Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
