I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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