yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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