Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
