I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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