I should be sponsored by Trojan
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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