Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
