There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize