Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
