I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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