The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
