didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
