Welp...herpes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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