If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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