i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
