Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
