tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
