The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize