i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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