Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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