i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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