HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
