Don't you send me to vm
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize