I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
