How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My vagina is officially offended.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
