College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
