I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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