I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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