I hate all girls vehemently.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize