When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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