when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
