Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
