I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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