I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
