im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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