My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
