Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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