well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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