i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
