Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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