And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
should my penis look like a turkey
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
