so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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