gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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