I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
