Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize