respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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