He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize