Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
