it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
