So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
