I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i came on her dog
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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