i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we're making bets on your personal life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
