I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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