Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
