she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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