Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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