fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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