WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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