Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Farmville is her only friend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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