Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize