before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
