Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
