South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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