My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
