my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
