She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Semen is not good for contacts.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
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