I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize