You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
