Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
